What is this blog really about?

This blog was to have been a birthday gift to myself for my seventy second birthday on March 26th.  I have never felt old and as I neared my birthday I felt more like 32 than 72. I guess I thought it would be cool to begin my new year with a blog.  I was very excited about being a 72 year old new blogger.  Lance set the site up for me and I picked a theme and then everything changed.

 My driver’s license had to be renewed before my birthday.  I’d renewed it on line last time so was required to renew in person this time.   I thought it would be a good idea to get my glasses prescription updated before taking the eye test. My eyes seemed fine I just thought I needed a stronger prescription.

The doctor told me that I have severe macular mottling in both my eyes and referred me to a retina specialist.  He wrote a prescription for new glasses but told me that there was little chance I would be able to pass an eye test to get my driver’s license.  For the first time in my life I felt OLD!

The good news is I had no problem with the eye test and got my license.  The idea of not being able to drive and being house bound had just terrified me so this was a very big deal for me.

The bad news is I had to wait until April 29th to see the specialist.  During that time I felt like I’d aged forty years over night.  I felt like an old woman, a defeated old woman.  I begin to question all my beliefs.  And I was afraid.  I am a fiber artist.   I need my sight.  Next to working in my studio I love reading.  I need my sight.  Who would I be if I could not make my art, read my British murder mysteries, watch birds?

I got very depressed!  My dear sweet little Shih Tzu, D’Argo, got very clingy.  He stayed glued to my side.  He gave me his favorite toys to play with.  He “talked” to me a lot and he did all the things he knew to do to make me laugh.  HE FINALLY WOKE ME UP.

I realized that I do not have any symptoms of macular problems except I needed a new prescription for my glasses.  I have 20/25 vision in my left eye and 20/60 in my right with my new glasses.  20/60 is not very good but with both eyes working together I can see to do everything I love to do.

The specialist told me that my sight may never get any worse than it is now and that if it does it will be very gradual.  He recommended that I take Bausch & Lomb PreserVision Lutein Formula vitamins, cut back on processed food and saturated fat, eat a lot of green leafy veggies and fresh fruit and never, never go outside without protective sunglasses.  This is supposed to slow the progression of the disease.  He was very encouraging.

I am getting my “self” back.  I am beginning to feel like my 32/72 year old person again.  I can once again feel grateful for all the wonderful people and things in my life and not let myself be consumed with fear of  losing my sight.

I have developed a little voice that keeps telling me “do it now”.  I have lined up some books to read now that I had planned to read “later”. I am priortizing my knitting projects so that I save the things that I want to knit with large needles until later and concentrate on knitting projects that require fine yarn and small needles.  I am knitting a sock with 2.75 mm needles now and a lace shawl with fingering weight yarn and size six needles and have a lace weight shawl to knit with size four needles waiting in the wings.

For many years my favorite poem has been “There is No Time” by Ricardo Sanchez.  What could be more appropriate for this stage of my life?

So, is this going to be a kitting blog, a blog about living with macular degeneration, or a blog about hope?  I do not know.  Time will tell.

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